What’s Your Casket Score?
January 5, 2013 6 Comments
Earlier today, a friend and I attended a men’s gathering at Rock Harbor. The discussion centered on how as guys, we need to foster and invest in strong relationships with a small group of other dudes.
(The same is true for ladies, but it seems to be easier for them … guys don’t seem to be as naturally wired for community.)
The speaker said he finds that most guys don’t have a “best friend.” The next thing he said struck me:
Imagine that a casket requires 6 people to carry it – 6 people who are the best of friends with the deceased. If tomorrow were your funeral, how many close friends would be carrying your casket?
Really makes you stop and think. Do you have enough close (best) friends to carry your casket?
What’s your casket score?
About David Rosendahl
Akathisia: Life In Motion -- David Rosendahl 
By the way, I think my score is ~4. What’s yours?
I had the privlage of being the “friend” mentioned above and this topic is something that i have been stuggling with for some time. I am definitely one of the guys not wired for relationship with other guys. For me, i think that it has something to do with friendships/ relationships being rather subjective in their return on investment. I like results and often what you get out of relationship is hard to quantify. Additionally, I suffer from the curse of comparing myself to other guys and evaluating my worth in relation to their accomplishments, income, and posessions. Often this leaves me feeling pretty bad about myself and since I don’t like feeling bad about myself it is easier not to be in relationships that I allow to make me feel this way. (I say “I allow” because it is easy to say it is the other person that makes me feel bad, but in fact I feel this way because of MY stuff. It has nothing to do with “the other” and this is often a mistake many people make. In the words of Pete MacKenzie I need to “get over myself.”) All of this being said, I know that to be the man of God that God intends me to be (the topic of the lecture) I need more godly men as friends in my life. Men that are a part of my life and know me intimately. Men, that with this knowledge can encourage me, offer me grace and love, call me out when i have strayed from the narrow road, pray with and for me. To do this I will need to work hard and I will, but for the time being, you (Dave) better get the gym because dragging my casket down the church aisle by yourself will be no easy task. Love you brother! Thanks for being #1 of my six.
Hey Caleb, here are a few random thoughts:
1) It is interesting that you feel you’re not wired to be in relationship, because you’re at the top of the list of people I think of that actively seeks to invest in relationships. As long as I’ve known you, you seem to be very good at it.
2) In terms of comparing ourselves to others, I struggle with this too. It is so easy to do. It reminds me of something Keith Page once said: we sometimes compare what we feel on the inside to what we see on the outside of other people. Often, there is a disparity. Those same people who have flashy outsides are often just as lonely, angry, or confused as we feel inside. I often forget that.
3) I will start hitting the gym *with* you so we both can be prepared 🙂 You’re carrying my casket down the aisle as well, so get ready!
Love ya,
-dr-
I posted a comment a few weeks ago that I am liking more and more and feel it is one of the things I am beginning to live by and am going to consciously strive for this year! It generally goes “the faster I try to run (move, work, etc enter your own action 😉 ) the further I get behind”. This whole casket score is a perfect reason for that!! I feel that I have close enough relationships that I would have 6 people holding mine, but that if the Pallbearers are simply medafores to the types of relationship, then I think my casket would be dropped, run into, and probably even forgotten before even getting to the cemetery. I don’t even want to know what would happen when carrying it out of the hearse to the burial site.
I feel that is how I have treated my friends. I try running faster and faster to keep up with our societies expectations of everything and in turn I have very few solid friendships that really get the care and attention that they should.
Thank you Dave for this blog! You are definitely one of my six and I hope you can be one of the leaders helping to safely guid it to its final resting place!
Dave, I’d be honored to carry your casket, and you are definitely going to be carrying mine. I’m not sure how the timing on all this stuff is going to work since it seems we’re all carrying each other 🙂
I agree with you about not being able to give a few solid friendships the care and attention they deserve. I think Caleb (above) feels the same way!
Pingback: Costa Mesa Homeless: My Time With Dave « Akathisia: Life In Motion — David Rosendahl